The Wayside Pulpit No.84
Our Stories
The man who refuses to
allow his wife any freedom of speech in the spiritual progress of their lives,
throttles the voice of the Holy Spirit to himself. The woman who throttles that
same Voice, allowing herself to be a 'doormat', prevents her husband from being
moulded by His word through her.
The man who takes a 'back
seat' and allows his spiritually active wife to take the lead, presents her to
the powers of darkness with inadequate covering, opening her up to spiritual
abuse. The spiritually active wife who leads the ministry from the home,
without consulting her husband, is in danger of hearing the voices of deceiving
spirits rather than the Holy Spirit. She walks out from beneath her God-given
covering.
These are self-evident
truths that often cause anger, hurt, bitterness, and contention in Christian
marriages, simply because of the psychology of male and female minds, and the
difference in make-up as part of God's creation. Ideals are often presented in
Scripture, whereby we can know what is best in God's sight, but when it comes
down to everyday practice, we all fall short. In this paper my wife and I would
like to report on some of the things that we have learned in 35 years of marriage,
with the raising of four children, three of whom are now living their own
married lives, and the fourth will be married shortly.
Arthur's report. The fact that in 1965 I was in my
early thirties, and my wife-to-be was some years younger, gave me an immediate
'advantage' over her. I say this because I know how much Rosalind respected me
in those days, looking up to me for a spiritual lead. This produced the
situation mentioned above, but NOT because I wanted to 'silence' her in any
way. Over the following years, now seen in perspective, I was
strong-minded, but often selfish and thoughtless. Rosalind recognised this. I
didn't. But she found that on advising me about certain aspects of my
thoughtlessness, I would take offence. I could not hear the voice of God's
Spirit to me, through her. I don't know why. Perhaps it was because it touched
my pride. But then, human nature is often too complex to identify a wrong with
one simple label. This is not to say that we had a 'problem marriage.' By no
means. We have had a good strong relationship throughout. I am merely
highlighting matters of day-to-day contact and working together. In more
recent years, after both of us had been through a nervous breakdown, and whilst
the children were still young and of school age, the Lord broke through this
barrier in my life. I came to realise that I had 'taken offence' instead of
listening to my wife's gentle words of constructive criticism. Within a short
time my mind cleared, and I apologised to her for the inward hurt I had caused
her. I think this was the beginning of a more gentle and understanding phase of
my life. In the goodness of the Lord, I am sure He has, since then, been making
up for the 'years the locust had eaten.'
Rosalind and I work
together in everything we do. We share every aspect of our lives, neither is
afraid to point out any word or action that might be hurtful, selfish, or
thoughtless. No offence is taken. Problems are cleared up on the spot before
they have time to poison the mind. We send little cards of apology to each
other. I can only say that married life is now more wonderful than ever, and I
thank the Lord for such a wonderfully understanding partner, my 'real
counterpart'. Although it must be quite obvious to our readers that I do
most of the writing, I always say that our articles are from 'Arthur &
Rosalind'. The reason is that everything that comes from my pen is read by, and
discussed with my wife. Nothing leaves this house, whether it be letter or
article, that isn't wholly in tune with both of us. Many are the times when she
spots that a wrong impression might be given, or a thought is not fully
developed, or even that something contradicts what we have already learned.
Changes are made before anything reaches the 'out box'. I want to pay
tribute to my wife. Her prayer life, and her commitment to me, have been God's
instrument in grinding and polishing my rough stonework. She is God's gift to
me, and she is very precious to me. We have grown together over the years, and
are now more in love than at the start. She has been used of the Lord as part
of that 'inner fire' of refining of which we spoke in a recent number.
Rosalind's report. I don't feel worthy of all
that Arthur has written and from my point of view I failed my husband
over the first years of our married life. My failure was due, I believe, to my
lack of personal relationship with the Lord in an on-going, daily way. I was
too intent on 'keeping the peace' and not being what a wife was intended to be
- a helper in EVERY way. The Lord used my severe breakdown to draw
me to Himself, and one of the results was that I became aware that as a wife I
needed to understand what was for my husband's best good, not what would just
'keep the waters smooth.' It has been hard at times as we both had to adjust
to my different approach, but the fruits are now evident in a loving,
balanced and harmonious relationship. From an 'in loveness', which has remained
all our 35 years, we have grown in friendship and understanding so that all that
we say and do is as a result of our oneness. For this I thank the Lord who has
engineered our circumstances to bring this about. My life as a married
woman has been a very stable one, and although we have been
through very traumatic times along the way, I have been privileged to be
married to a man who has loved the Lord first and foremost, and it has been
this that has given me the security to go through many of the fires the Lord
has allowed to come our way. It is my considered opinion that true happiness
and contentment can only come to a wife when her ATTITUDE is first and
foremost submitted to the Lord, rather than just to her husband. Her
submission is therefore not of the 'door mat' variety, but is a heart
attitude which is free to be wrong, and free to be right, as the Lord directs.
We are also privileged to
have raised four children and each of them has a vital relationship with the
Lord. This has not been because Arthur and I have always done what is right by
them, we have failed many times, but the Lord has been their Creator and He has
been faithful. And here I want to thank my husband for the underlying principle
by which he has led our family - he has always pointed our eyes outwards
towards the Lord and has had little time for introspection and self analysis.
His absolute trust in the Lord, for ALL things, has radiated stability and
contentment, recognising we are all fallen beings for whom our Lord died, and
in Him and Him alone we have life. To discover more and more of the character
of God has been the bedrock and drive of our family life. It was when
Arthur began reading to us all of an evening from the fiction of C.S Lewis,
George MacDonald, and many others, both secular and Christian, that we learned
lessons which started to expand our vision. Together with the children we
grew in our understanding of life. Based on the stability of the trust Arthur
had encouraged in us, we began embracing life in a way which we had never
before envisaged. The Lord used this to help Arthur and I in our marriage, but
it is only in retrospect that we can see this. The meaningful things from
fiction infiltrated our beings and changed us both and we absorbed even deeper
aspects of the Lord Himself. So we have grown in our understanding
through hardship and fire and I pray that the Lord continues this in our lives
until we see Him. I am so grateful for my husband and how he is helping me
become myself under the hand of the Lord. Because he listens to me and I know
he REALLY listens, I know I need never be afraid.
From Arthur & Rosalind
Eedle,